its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The air taste purple.
Randomize
