Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
