he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
