Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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