I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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