you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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