Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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