that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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