can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
