Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Semen is not good for contacts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
