Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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