Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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