so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
