Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
