Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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