I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
