Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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