in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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