Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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