WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
