the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
