everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's like iHOP with fire
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
