my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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