Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
