I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
