you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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