Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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