I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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