if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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