You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
