what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
wow bdsm is so cute
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
