my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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