Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
