This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your penis caused this!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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