Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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