Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I party with great urgency now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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