i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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