Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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