Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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