I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
