It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
