do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize