And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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