One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
