awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize