You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
