I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
