Say something about gay babies.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
