A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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