I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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