u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
