My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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