this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
