I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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