Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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