Sry I called you an 8
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
