she was so not down for the gang bang
...so i touched it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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