Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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