I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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