But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
