i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
