terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
