i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
