She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
