There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
