Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
try to milk me bitch
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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