Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
