Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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