He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she told me i tasted like america
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
