I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I look better un-naked...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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