I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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