Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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