You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
