I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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