I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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