side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
