I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
