i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
