Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
