No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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