So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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