drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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