plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
