awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
