The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she peed on how many people?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I will pee on everything he values.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
