are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
