Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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