Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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