I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
