my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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