My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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